I am more than my body

These past two days of writing have been rough to face.   John 9:1-3 talks about why God allows forms of bondage such as physical handicaps.  This is close to my heart because of Caleb and all that he has to endure.  I realize that everything must have its opposite.  In order to have good we must have bad, in order to have relief and mercy we must have suffering and pain.  In order to use the atonement in our lives and have a need for the Lord, we must endure bondage, heartache and suffering at times.  It’s always been my most desperate times that I have turned to my Heavenly Father, when I’m in the gall of bitterness, when I’m fearing the loss of my child or my marriage.  I realize that everything has a reason, and while I might fight against that, or proclaim it unfair, I know that Caleb has his disabilities for a reason, maybe it will bring him a closer relationship with the Lord, or it will bring all of us in this family closer to relying on the Lord’s council and comfort.  I want to teach my children that this is why we have things happen, so that the Lord can be present in our lives, so that we can utilize His atonement daily. 

I also have to face my own demons that I am more than my physical body.  Trying so hard to make myself happy by changing my appearance, throughout my life I have always gotten comments from others about how I am always changing the way I look, they never know what to expect. 

“The whirlwind of being thin and admired was pretty heady stuff.  Addiction revisited.” (Colleen C. Harrison)

This quote was me.  When I moved from Iowa back to Mesa, this is what happened.  Everything slipped away, and I lost who I was and I haven’t been able to get that back.  I haven’t been able to reconnect my relationship with the Lord.  This is one of my favorite quotes.

“The Lord works from the inside out.  The world works from the outside in.  The world would take people out of the slums.  CHRIST takes the slums out of the people-and then they take themselves out of the slums.” (Ezra T. Benson)

I AM more than my body.  I’ve been realizing that I need healthiness in my life, spiritual healthiness first and foremost, social, mental, emotional, economical and FINALLY physical.  It’s not being physically healthy that is my demon, no, that is a worthy goal.  The demon is ONLY trying to be physically healthy.  I’m really trying to put my trust in the Lord, to rely on His atonement to become a healthy person.