When I first heard we were going to do this I became really hopeful. Because I need this so much right now. About a year and a half ago Megan tried to get me to do this book. I started but was never able to finish. I think I just wasn't ready at the time. But today, right now sitting in this chair, I am ready. I am ready to move forward with my life. I am ready to end this chapter in my story and start a new one. One filled with happiness, confidence, love, Christ, and acceptance. Because this is my time, and I refuse to waste another moment of it.
Here is a great saying I recently saw on Pinterest. (Sorry don't know who said it)
"No matter what, once in your life, someone will hurt you. That someone will take all that you are, and rip it into pieces, and they won't even watch where the pieces land. But through the breakdown, you'll learn something about yourself. You'll learn that you are strong. That no matter how hard they destroy you, that you can conquer anyone and anything."
I have been hurt. Many times. And by many people. And you know what, its hard to get over this hurt and pain. It's definitely not as easy to "get back up on the horse" as people say it is. But I have learned that I am strong. I am a fighter and an overcomer. I know I'll struggle with things my whole life, but right now is the time to collect all those broken parts of me and rebuild. To rebuild a new me; someone with a strong testimony, who's not afraid to show affection or emotions, and who can withstand the inevitable struggles that are yet to come.
But I also know that it's not going to be easy. I am going to have to break down a lot of really thick and high walls. And I might even have to get emotional with some of you(scary!!!) But please don't let my give up. Push me as hard as you have to, I might need it.
And I just want to say Thank You. To everyone. I know this isn't easy but it means a lot. I am honestly stumped by how much love there is in this family and how much everyone loves me. Thank You, I will never forget it.
P.S. I'm really jealous that I didn't go to the 1st meeting yesterday. Although I had a really legit reason not too. And my testimony was seriously strengthened because I didn't go. But super excited to go next week!!!(that was me trying to be optimistic. Hopefully it wont be as forced next time)
Andee! I'm so excited to see your post! And I'm so impressed by the maturity of the sentiments you shared here. Breaking down the walls to become a person "who's not afraid to show affection or emotions" will inevitably be painful. But you are an incredibly POWERFUL spirit and I know that beautiful things will happen and you will bless so many lives when you allow those walls to be demolished!
ReplyDeleteI really had to do a double take when I saw this was you, Andersyn. I am so proud of you for recognizing the need to do this and also recognizing this won't be easy. I started it once too a long time ago when I introduced it to Megan and didn't finish, but I intend to finish it this time. We've all been hurt and we all have need of this program and we're all here to support each other. I love you so much and I won't let you give up!
ReplyDeleteSo beautiful, I almost cried. Thanks for sharing Andee. At first I didn't know who this was, took me a minute to figure it out.
ReplyDeleteWould love to talk sometime, guess I'll wait till you get back from camp. Have fun and be safe.
Andee, I'm like everyone else - I couldn't believe it was you. First, as an English teacher, What a beautiful writer! But as your grandma, my feelings are very tender for what you have accomplished and realized on your own. With the Lord's help (and ours), you will heal and help others to do the same.
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