My Scattered Thoughts After 1st ARP Mtg,

It’s been an interesting week to watch the humbling process take place in all of us in different ways. 

I’ve been facing some scary truths in myself that I don’t like.  I realize that I live in fear all the time, fear of myself, of others, of events I can’t control. 

I’ve also been thinking a lot about my heritage, the blood that runs in me, who I am, and I’m frightened that I have scary attributes that have been passed down. 

I think about Grandma Jones’ mother abandoning her family for a year, and I worry that I have that in me.  The other day I was so run down and tired and needing a break that I told Tom that I wanted to walk out the door and leave and never return. 

 He insisted that I didn’t have that in me.  But when I look at the examples that have come before me I fear that I do. 

It was shocking.  I look at each side of our families, Cyndee's and Mike's, and I see all the weaknesses there and fear inheriting all of them, or even just a few would be damaging enough. 

So last night I went to my first meeting.  It was a small group.  We took turns reading the chapter, which happened to be Chapter 4 for them this week.   Afterwards we went around the circle and took turns sharing, some passed, and some shared, A LOT. 

When the sharing initially started I felt so insecure as though I didn’t belong in the group.  Some people were sharing specific addictions as to why they were there, most weren’t, but you could tell there was SOMETHING.

When they did finally get around to me I realized that I wanted to share. 

I started off by telling them how I was once told that the definition of an addiction is anything keeping you from having a close relationship with Jesus Christ. 

And that’s why I was there, because too many damaging feelings and thoughts and insecurities are keeping me from having a close relationship with Christ. 

 And that’s the only validation I need for being an active participant.