Principle 2 is by far my favorite. I think it’s because this has always been the most enlightening and exciting chapter for me.
I remember when I was a child (and I believe Cyn was the same way) that I would go about talking to the Lord in my head quite frequently. It was simple conversation. I don’t remember saying personal prayers, ever, unless Amy, my little mother sometimes, would remind me to do so before bed. But I remember I felt close to Christ. I knew He knew me, and I loved Him.
I remember when I was a child (and I believe Cyn was the same way) that I would go about talking to the Lord in my head quite frequently. It was simple conversation. I don’t remember saying personal prayers, ever, unless Amy, my little mother sometimes, would remind me to do so before bed. But I remember I felt close to Christ. I knew He knew me, and I loved Him.
Now it feels complicated. And all the distress and complications come from me.
Alma 24:10, one of our scriptures this week, talks about Christ taking away the guilt from our hearts through His atonement. That has hit me hard. When I try to figure out why I struggle to pray, why I’ve complicated and messed up the most important relationship in my life, I realize it’s because the guilt I carry with me in my heart. And I am making the simplest request that I “come unto Him”, complicated.
“And the labor which they had to perform was to look; and because of the simpleness of the way, or the easiness of it, there were many who perished.” 1 Nephi 17:41
Today in Relief Society we had someone from the stake presidency come in and talk to us for the first ten minutes. Guess what he had to talk about?? ARP. Of course, right?
But I felt inspired, and the little voice in the back of my head that I’ve had for the past two years telling me to attend the women’s group started screaming at me. It was kind of like an ‘I told you so’ taunt. And that’s exactly what the man was there to talk about and testify about, was the importance and the helpfulness of this group.
So I’m scared to death, but I’m going to be attending this Thursday. We’ll see how it goes.
Your right; that was my childhood too. I have always admired the way some religous people talk about Christ as "my Jesus" and I admire that attitude. It is usually the poor and unschooled but maybe they are the ones that develop that dependence on Him. That is why our first step was honesty which, in my case, took me straight down the path of humility. It also reminds me of your Tenney cousins always saying that they were Grandma Tenney's favorite. Well, that's what that phrase means to me - I am His favorite; He is my Jesus. What loving, caring compassion was possessed by Grandma Tenney; what loving, caring compassion is possessed by the Savior for every individual that has come to earth (especially us!).
ReplyDeleteWow. This speaks hugely to the personal guilt I feel. I felt so close to the spirit as I grew up, especially during my teenage years, and I was continually praying/speaking aloud to my Father in Heaven. It was a unconscious thought, more like a natural state and desire. I often stayed up late at night studying the Book of Mormon. Later in life, once I sinned and was no longer worthy to go to the temple, I was overwhelmed with despair. It seemed so wrong that I had been given so much, felt so much, and then made such a momentous mistake. How could I be a tool in my Heavenly Father's hands/complete the work he sent me her to do when I must have disappointed him so terribly?
ReplyDeleteI know the repentance process is real and so much of what happened for me through Priesthood leaders came directly from the Lord. And I now feel abundantly blessed and guided by the spirit, but I've never regained the same relationship I previously had with my Heavenly Father. And I struggle constantly with prayer...still, surprisingly, feeling unworthy.
This post puts that to the front of my mind. I guess that's one of my major goals in doing this program. To regain that strong relationship/comfort with my Father in Heaven.